Wednesday, November 09, 2011

MONDAY NIGHT MUSINGS

Tuesday October 25th - Monday October 31st

- CJ started a tumbling class this week. Well, actually he went for a trial class last week but it was the 3-4 year old class and he was definitely the oldest there and very capable. Once we saw what he was capable of, we knew we wanted to move him up to the next class, the Dynamites, for 4-5 year olds. He started that class this week and did really well. I saw him do a somersault for the first time (didn't even know he could do that) and was up to par with the rest of his class despite having just started. He still wants to play soccer though, so we'll try this for a couple of months and maybe do another round of soccer at the beginning of the year. For now though, CJ seems to like his "balance class," as he calls it.

- Speaking of trial runs, I'm glad we did a trial run last week because it was a trial for Mattie too. After her efforts to join CJ last week, and then her meltdown after having to leave the toy horses at the gym (there are some toys and books for little ones to play with while the bigger kids have class), I wasn't so sure I was going to be able to handle bringing all 3 kids to CJ's lessons, but Powell was a total champ and pretty much slept the whole time, despite not getting fed before we left (I fed him over an hour before we left and had intended on feeding him again right before we loaded up in the car, but we ran out of time, like always), and Mattie did great just watching CJ, eating some snacks, playing with the horses, and even being ok leaving them for next time. Everything went very smoothly - I even got one of the like 5 parking spots they have (last time I spent half the time moving my car from towing zones and 15 minute parking because there was absolutely nowhere to park). So everything went great...until the very end when we were heading out. CJ and Mattie went opposite directions and I decided to follow CJ since he was going in an area he wasn't supposed to and, of course, he wouldn't listen to me as I told him to come back. After finally getting CJ wrangled in (little stinker), Mattie was nowhere to be found. I even had some of the gym coaches helping me look for her. After a few minutes we found her hiding, and not responding when we said her name. Ugh. All I wanted to do was get out of there. As I packed up all three kids into the car, one of the moms joked with me about how I have my hands full. I think I hear that more now than I hear my kids saying "Mommy." And half the time I think there's a little judgement in it. But that's ok. Despite my frazzledness, despite my exhaustion, despite my short fuse, I love my three babies and there isn't anything I'd rather be doing right now in my life. Though my children may be the bane of my existence at times, they are most certainly always the reason for my existence and I'm grateful for them and their patience with me.

- 10/27 Powell slept an awesome amount last night! We put him down around 11 and he didn't wake up for a feeding until 5:45 AM, went right back to sleep, and slept until about 9:30 AM (I wish I could have slept until 9:30 too :).

- Though I'm not 1000 percent committed to it, like I should be, I think the no milk thing is really working. I haven't actually had any liquid milk since I decided to cut it out a few weeks ago, or yogurt or ice cream, but I do occasionally have butter, I do eat things that have been made with milk in the ingredients, like waffles or pancakes, and cheese is pretty difficult to completely cut out. I'll go several days without cheese, and if we're eating in, I'm fine. But if we're eating out or at someone else's house, it's been really hard to cut cheese out. And then of course, I give in to milk chocolate every once in a while. But I can see the difference. Powell is definitely more comfortable and has fewer and less intense gas pains. In fact, they're pretty sparse now. However, I do notice more discomfort the day or two following having had food with lots of cheese and whatnot so I feel like this is working, and that's motivation enough to keep with it and try to get more self-disciplined.

- You'd think I'd be losing more weight since I'm not eating dairy products, but alas, it is not so. After those 35 pounds came off in the first two or three weeks, I fooled myself into thinking I might actually be able to lose all the baby weight pretty quickly. But reality has set in and I'm now at the point where I'm losing maybe a pound a week. Boo. I still have about 15 pounds to go, but I don't have 15 weeks to lose it before family pictures are coming up. Eek! Here we go...

- And it's not too easy to lose weight when you're not watching what you eat. (Duh!). Part of me thinks I can indulge in candy and carbs because I'm not eating dairy, but I think I've let that go too far. Then, on top of that, in order to avoid my milk kind of drying up like it did with CJ and Mattie, I'm not counting any calories. I think I was a little too obsessed with calorie counting and exercising to lose the weight after I had Mattie and I think that is a big reason why I wasn't really able to breastfeed anymore after about 5 months. I don't want that happening this time, so I'm not restricting much. However, I'm really only going to be able to lose the weight that way if I'm exercising and watching what I put in my mouth. I don't have to count calories per se, but I should fill up on healthy food, not junk. Easier said than done, unfortunately.

- Well I'm very proud of CJ and his behavior in class (most of the time). His preschool teacher, his Primary teacher, his tumbling teacher, etc., they all say he's a good listener. That's great! But...why aren't we seeing that at home? Seriously, my son is 4 and I feel like we've already got this wedge between us. I know that's all on me because I'm the adult, and so I try not to let it happen. I try not to have my feelings hurt that CJ runs to Bryce the second he walks in the door as if Bryce is his savior in some way. I try not to let all of CJ's disobedient and defiant acts throughout the day add up to some grudge I'm holding. I know he's only 4. But it really is something I'm struggling with right now. I love him so much and want to have a positive relationship, but I feel like unless I'm spending every second with him (and even then sometimes), he's doing something he's not supposed to, and I have to get after him about it. So then it ends up being a whole day of "no," "stop it," "you're gonna get a time out," "do you understand?" "what did I just say?" "start listening," etc. etc. It's very taxing and very discouraging, and I feel like my time is running out as far as building a positive relationship with my son that doesn't have resentment and bad memories. I feel like I need to figure this parenting thing out fast or I'm gonna have a kid whose first memories involve me upset with him about something. Isn't that so sad?! I just hope it's not too late...

- Moving on to a happier topic, for the first time as a mother, I'm beginning to be able to recognize different cries in Powell: when he's hungry verses being tired or uncomfortable or maybe just wants to be held. I read about that a long time ago but wasn't ever really able to recognize it CJ or Mattie. And I don't know if it's Powell or me, but either way, it's kind of nice and makes me feel like maybe I'm actually capable of something motherly, you know :) 

- I had my  post-partum check-up and as I was told, everything is back to normal...except my life! We're still trying to figure out our new normal and some things are easier than others. But so far, this three-kids thing hasn't been nearly as crazy as I had expected. Let's keep our fingers crossed that I can still say that in a year :)

- Firsts this week:
10/29 Powell's first intentional smile, and he started cooing too
10/29 Mattie slept all the through the night and woke up dry, as well as her nap too
10/31 CJ and Mattie went trick-or-treating for the first time

- A few Mattie-isms: 
when she washes her hands she likes to "squeak" (squeeze) the soap out herself
sometimes she cries when CJ accidentally "bunks" her (bumps)
she asks us to "blow it up" when her food is hot
when she wants to win she'll tell you she's going to "beat you up" (she got that from CJ, and we've been trying to correct them :)
you'll hear her exclaiming "wahoo" (yoo-hoo) when she's playing hide-and-go-seek
and she likes to watch Mommy do her "wake-up" (make-up)

Happy Monday!

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