I received some bad news yesterday. After going to Utah for Christmas, and spending Spring Break there a few weeks ago, Bryce and I were determined to be there this summer (especially because it would be the last time we would have the chance to live in Utah). Bryce had applied to several internships, some of which we still haven't heard from, and we figured, if worse came to worse, Bryce could get a full-time job and volunteer for a lawyer on the side. The plan was to live with my parents, but regardless, we knew we wanted to be in Utah this summer.
However, when we made these plans, we didn't realize there might be some snafus along the way. The biggest problem: our living arrangements. We had been planning for months to continue to rent our apartment in Spokane and then live with my parents (for free, of course). That meant we wouldn't have to move our stuff twice, but it also meant that renting in Utah was not an option that we could afford. As the time got closer and closer to prepare to go to Utah, we started to realize that our plan might not work out just as we thought, so Bryce and I knew we needed to start to look at some other possibilities and figure things out.
Then, Monday night, after going to Chili's for dinner (our FHE activity ;), Bryce began to tell me about Law Review. Months ago I would have never thought that Bryce would want to do Law Review, but as he told me about his class that day and how someone came and spoke to them about it and how he really wanted to go for it, I could tell by what he was telling me that this was something he really felt like he should do and that it was probably inspiration....so then I felt that feeling too. But then he lowered the bomb: he said he was nervous about leaving Spokane, or rather, the law library and professors at Gonzaga, if he was going to try to get on Law Review. You see, the way it works is a few weeks after final grades come out, the Law Review poses a question or a problem. The applicants then have a couple of weeks to research and submit a 10-15 pg paper regarding the problem. They are then chosen, or not chosen, to be on Law Review based on the papers they submit. Bryce is nervous to leave the law library he's become accustomed to, and his Legal Research and Writing professor who could possibly help him fine tune his paper. So what I was hearing was that he wanted to stay in Spokane for the summer?!!
After Bryce threw that wrench into things, the next morning, which was yesterday, my mom called to tell me that unfortunately, they wouldn't have room available for us at their house until the fall (unless we want to sleep on a futon all summer...which I seriously considered). So there it is, I guess. Our decision is made for us. I tried to hold it together while I was on the phone with my mom, but once I got off I pretty much cried my eyes out. Before we ever left Utah, I knew that we wouldn't end up there. Bryce being from Seattle, and me just always having the desire to live outside the comfort of Utah (for my own growth) meant that most likely, our family would settle elsewhere. But after having a baby, I wanted more than ever to be by my family. And I knew that this summer was our last chance to live by family who mean so much to both of us (not just my family - Bryce has family in Utah as well that he's very close to). So needless to say, my heart broke when I talked to my mom. Very reminiscent of last summer when Bryce got his rejection letter from the U of U law school - my heart broke then as well because I knew we'd be leaving Utah sooner than I was ready.
Anyway, after talking with my mom, I knelt down by my bed and prayed for comfort...and unfortunately, didn't really get anything. A couple of hours later, though, as I was reading my scriptures, I totally felt the Spirit! I don't even know what I was reading, but that's okay because I didn't find comfort in the words, but in the Spirit that accompanies reading the word of God. It was a wonderful experience that helped me not only feel some peace about the upsetting news I had just received, but also gain a stronger testimony of the power of the scriptures.
And then today, Bryce sent me this quote from Pres. Hinckley: "It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don't worry. I say that to myself every morning. It all works out in the end. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us. If we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers." http://deseretnews.com/article/1,5143,695248205,00.html
Though I love my family and am saddened that I will most likely never live close to them again, I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for my little family and that the Lord's hand is in our lives, leading, guiding, and even pushing us in the direction that He knows is best for us. Now if everyone could just help remind me of this every now and then, that would be wonderful! :)
However, when we made these plans, we didn't realize there might be some snafus along the way. The biggest problem: our living arrangements. We had been planning for months to continue to rent our apartment in Spokane and then live with my parents (for free, of course). That meant we wouldn't have to move our stuff twice, but it also meant that renting in Utah was not an option that we could afford. As the time got closer and closer to prepare to go to Utah, we started to realize that our plan might not work out just as we thought, so Bryce and I knew we needed to start to look at some other possibilities and figure things out.
Then, Monday night, after going to Chili's for dinner (our FHE activity ;), Bryce began to tell me about Law Review. Months ago I would have never thought that Bryce would want to do Law Review, but as he told me about his class that day and how someone came and spoke to them about it and how he really wanted to go for it, I could tell by what he was telling me that this was something he really felt like he should do and that it was probably inspiration....so then I felt that feeling too. But then he lowered the bomb: he said he was nervous about leaving Spokane, or rather, the law library and professors at Gonzaga, if he was going to try to get on Law Review. You see, the way it works is a few weeks after final grades come out, the Law Review poses a question or a problem. The applicants then have a couple of weeks to research and submit a 10-15 pg paper regarding the problem. They are then chosen, or not chosen, to be on Law Review based on the papers they submit. Bryce is nervous to leave the law library he's become accustomed to, and his Legal Research and Writing professor who could possibly help him fine tune his paper. So what I was hearing was that he wanted to stay in Spokane for the summer?!!
After Bryce threw that wrench into things, the next morning, which was yesterday, my mom called to tell me that unfortunately, they wouldn't have room available for us at their house until the fall (unless we want to sleep on a futon all summer...which I seriously considered). So there it is, I guess. Our decision is made for us. I tried to hold it together while I was on the phone with my mom, but once I got off I pretty much cried my eyes out. Before we ever left Utah, I knew that we wouldn't end up there. Bryce being from Seattle, and me just always having the desire to live outside the comfort of Utah (for my own growth) meant that most likely, our family would settle elsewhere. But after having a baby, I wanted more than ever to be by my family. And I knew that this summer was our last chance to live by family who mean so much to both of us (not just my family - Bryce has family in Utah as well that he's very close to). So needless to say, my heart broke when I talked to my mom. Very reminiscent of last summer when Bryce got his rejection letter from the U of U law school - my heart broke then as well because I knew we'd be leaving Utah sooner than I was ready.
Anyway, after talking with my mom, I knelt down by my bed and prayed for comfort...and unfortunately, didn't really get anything. A couple of hours later, though, as I was reading my scriptures, I totally felt the Spirit! I don't even know what I was reading, but that's okay because I didn't find comfort in the words, but in the Spirit that accompanies reading the word of God. It was a wonderful experience that helped me not only feel some peace about the upsetting news I had just received, but also gain a stronger testimony of the power of the scriptures.
And then today, Bryce sent me this quote from Pres. Hinckley: "It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don't worry. I say that to myself every morning. It all works out in the end. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us. If we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers." http://deseretnews.com/article/1,5143,695248205,00.html
Though I love my family and am saddened that I will most likely never live close to them again, I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for my little family and that the Lord's hand is in our lives, leading, guiding, and even pushing us in the direction that He knows is best for us. Now if everyone could just help remind me of this every now and then, that would be wonderful! :)
4 comments:
Oh Paige, I have totally been there! And still go back there from time to time. I know how hard it is being away from family, and I'm so glad that you felt comforted. I've had many a ball session since I moved to Seattle, and its been hard, but I know it is where we are supposed to be! Hang in there! Lets get togethe next time you guys are over this way!
This was such a great post to read (i finally was able to read one - yeah - due to the background of the blog) and funny because i have felt this before myself. Lately, being pregnant and away from ALL family out in good ole NC I have been so homesick (which i normally am not) and just want to be close to family - esp. with chip working over 100 hours weeks at a time I get really lonely. However, funny you mentioned that quote by Pres. Hinckley because that has been my quote of inspiration these last few months. I love it and it does make things seem a little better. I totally feel for you as I would give anything to be back for a few months living in p-town with my fam! however, i do see blessings of us living outside of utah, and also know the feeling of getting off the phoen with my mom and bursting into tears, with them so far away and chip gone! Hang in there -- and if you happen to take a trip home in May then let me know (i just found cheap flights on cheapair.com so chip told me i could go)
xoxoxox
ps. cj is so cute!!!
That quote by President Hinkley is one of my all time favorites. Also, on the bright side, Bryce can play softball with us over the summer.
Beau
Oh Sweetheart, my heart is broken too! I cried and prayed too. I knew you were upset (actually you didn't hold it together too well when we talked :( ). But you have found comfort in all the right places. It is meant to be, I know it.
I love you and your little family so much. I look at this blog everyday - I have to get my fix. It is a fantastic invention. CJ is so perfect.
Now this my plan. I will come to visit this summer! How does that sound? I can make myself useful.
Lots of love, Mom
Post a Comment